Game Preview: Rangers v. Devils
The Rangers are at home tonight to take on the New Jersey Devils. The puck drops at 7pm and can be seen nationally on Versus.
I don’t have to use a whole post to tell you guys how important every game is from here on out. Every game is huge, every point in the standings is huge. Making the playoffs is going to be a screaming catfight until the bitter end. But you guys know that. So, in lieu of a traditional Game Preview, I give you:
5 Things I Associate with the New Jersey Devils
Enjoy.
How much do I hate the New Jersey Devils?
What a silly question.
I am a Ranger fan, goddammit. And I grew up in New Jersey, BEING a Ranger fan. That means that I had to deal with all the assholes who, just like most Yankee fans, jumped onto a winning team while they were hot and it was the cool thing to do while I was hanging on to a sinking team that was quickly becoming a joke(side note: I, myself am a Yanks fan, and I despise fair-weather, band-wagon fans which, unfortunately the Yankees have lots of).
As a result of this upbringing, I have many opinions about the Devils and their fans. And in honor of our awful disgraceful vomit-inducing beloved Rangers’ last regular season match-up with the New Jersey Sewer Dwellers, I thought I’d do something of a show-and-tell with y’all of all the things I associate with the New Jersey Devils.
1. Drunken Assholes – Living in Jersey, I am forced to take NJ Transit to any game I go to. Whether it’s the Garden or the Pebble, I’m hopping on NJT. And if I’m seeing my boys take on the Debbies at
For serious, I typed 'drunk asshole' into Google Images, and this picture came up 13 times on the first page.
MSG West, or going to a home game that happens to be against the Swamp Rats, or on the same night as a Debbies home game, that means I’m sharing the train with hordes (well, a horde, we all know how many fans the Devils have) of drunken assholes. These jackasses get on the train with cases, no joke, CASES of beer. And finish the damn case before the train pulls into the station. That’s a 40 minute ride, AT MOST. So if a group of 4 friends is going to the game, and they get a 24 pack to split on the train, that’s 6 beers per guy in 40 minutes, which translates into, say it with me now, DRUNKEN ASSHOLES.
2. Idiot Fans – Anyone who has been around Devils fans for any period of time knows this: Devils fans know nothing about their team. If you asked them to name 3 players that play for their team, they’d say
Puddy is totally cooler than any modern-era Devils fan.
‘Marty’ 3 times. All they know how to do is blabber incoherently that the ‘Rangers SUCK!!!’, and then go home and touch themselves and think about Marty. I kid you not, the last Rangers-Devils game that I went to, the jackasses taunting me and my mom on the train ride home about how we got beat by “Clerminton” were really informed about their team.
3. Cheerleaders – This joke of a team has mother$%^@ing CHEERLEADERS. They dance up on a little platform in a corner of the lower bowl, and even if you’re in the arena, you have to crane your neck to watch them flip their bleached blonde hair around and pray you don’t get hit in the eye with a strip of fake eyelashes that cost $2 at Wal Mart. I don’t think I need to say anymore about this, so I give you a sample of what these girls are probably like away from the arena, or when they aren’t shaking their $300 implants to bad 80′s Bon Jovi ‘classics’. Partly because I’m fairly positive this is what those girls are like, and partly because I’ve been dying to use this clip in a post. But mostly because I’ve been dying to use this clip. Enjoy.
EDIT: It has come to my attention that the video might not show up, just click in the space below a couple of times, it’ll appear. It’s worth it, I promise.
4. The Avery Rule – This was the funniest shit I have ever seen during a hockey game. I nearly wet my pants when Aves did this. Call it bush league, call it disgraceful, I don’t give a rats ass. This was HILARIOUS. It still makes me crack up when I see it, and I will gladly defend it to anyone who’s got a problem with Sean Avery, or the Avery Rule. The fact that these two are back in each other’s faces tonight makes me so unbelievably excited, I can’t express it in words.
So here it is: The Avery Rule, in all it’s glory:
And here’s this bit of nostalgia, for shits and giggles:
And, last, but certainly not least….
5. My Period – Yes, you read that correctly. Some girls refer to their times of the month as ‘Aunt Flow’. Appropriate, descriptive, yet inoffensive. I went a different route with naming my monthly gift. Ladies and gentleman, once a month, I am visited by one Mr. Marty ‘Flow-deur’. And I will leave you with that.
Currently in development: The NJ Devils' 3rd Jersey design. You saw it here first.
Share with us in the comments what you think of when you think about the NJ Stay-Free’s, we’d love to hear it!
Enjoy the game!!!!
About the author: Rory is a recent college graduate from central New Jersey majoring in History and PR. A Ranger fan all her life, the bane of her existence is the New Jersey Devils, and she harbors a severe hatred for Martin Brodeur. Her favorite current Rangers are Henrik Lundqvist, Sean Avery, and Steve Valiquette, and her favorite all-time Rangers are Mike Richter and Jeff Beukeboom. Related posts:
