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The Sean Avery Show

In which I comment on the general ridiculousness that surrounds our favorite pain-in-the-ass, Sean Avery.

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Item #1:

A couple weeks ago, I came across this little beauty: Elisha Cuthbert on the cover of a magazine for the first time in probably 10 years.  No one has given a shit about this girl since she made that movie where she played a pornstar who dates a high school kid., and then made a movie with Paris Hilton, which tells

elisha-cuthbert-ugly-02

 you everything you need to know about it.  Because if there’s any way to really gain credibility as an actress, that’s the way to do it.  You go get that Oscar, girl!

In the interview, she of course, takes the opportunity to bite the hand that fed her relevancy for the second time, saying that Aves “wanted the attention of dating an actress”; Yes, clearly a less terrible reason for dat

ing someone than wanting to get your foot in the revolving door of hockey-player boyfriends. She some some other crap, too, which I’m not going to bother to retype, because I fell asleep reading the damn thing the first time.

Should I be making a big deal about a whiny, talentless Canadian who makes out with Paris Hilton(there she is again!) and looks like a used Kleenex without the benefit of being in hair and makeup for 8 hours?  Probably not.  But homegirl hasn’t gotten this much publicity in years, so I hope she called Sean in rehab(or whatever the hell it was they sent him to), and thanked him for making people remember who she used to be.

Source: Women’s Health Magazine

Photo Credit: The Superficial (Because You’re Ugly)

 

Item #2:

From the lovely Wrap Around Curl, a mystery of sorts.

Is that Aves in this picture?:

 

Nice spine, sweetheart.

Nice spine, sweetheart.

 

 

Judging by the comments on her original post, it isn’t, because whoever it is has skinny legs, and Sean probably doesn’t.  But, there’s always the magic of Photoshop, or the possibility that Aves just has skinnier legs than most hockey players.  Ever seen Henrik Lundqvist in skinny jeans?  Homeboy’s got damn chicken legs.  So anyway, do you guys think it’s Aves?  It would be funny, and not very surprising, if it was.

Source: Wrap Around Curl

Item #3:

From a couple of weeks ago, via The Dallas Morning News.  Apparently, the Stars were just so shocked and appalled and hurt that when they signed Sean Avery, they got Sean Avery, that they’re changing their protocol for signing free agents.  From the article,

The club will do a psychological review of any free agent it wants to sign based on its experience with Sean Avery, who signed a four-year, $15.5 million contract but was dismissed when he made controversial comments after playing only 23 games. “We will never make a free agent signing without doing psychological testing ever again as long as I’m the owner,” Hicks said.

Seriously?  Make a bigger deal over what happened, you jackasses.  You signed Sean Avery.  You got SEAN %@$&ING AVERY.  He did was Sean Avery does.  It’s not like you signed Vinny LeCavalier and he went on a crack binge and killed some hookers.  Don’t act so scandalized, you idiots.  ”Waahhh, he did what he always does, and what we paid him $15.5 million dollars to do, wwaahhhh!!!”

 

Part of why Ranger fans love Sean Avery is because he makes life interesting.  Shit’s never boring when he’s around, and we like some excitement around our team.  And usually when it comes to Aves, I like to believe that any publicity is good publicity.  The NHL can’t pick and chose who it wants paying attention to the sport right now.  We’ll take anyone we can get, even if they weigh 54 pounds and look like they got dressed out of a trash can coughOlsenTwinscough.  So Aves, my hat is off to you for making the hockey world just a little more interesting, but even though Lindsay Lohan is apparently available now, stay away from her.  The Islanders can have her, they’re a match made in Hot Mess Heaven.

 

Any thoughts, people?  That’s what the comment box is for – don’t let it sit there all empty, it’s begging for some lovin’.  And by lovin’, I mean comments.

 

Top Photo Credit: Fox News

UPDATED: Because I’m a total dumbass and didn’t include an actual picture of Avery.  I’m a genius.


About the author:  Rory is a recent college graduate from central New Jersey majoring in History and PR. A Ranger fan all her life, the bane of her existence is the New Jersey Devils, and she harbors a severe hatred for Martin Brodeur. Her favorite current Rangers are Henrik Lundqvist, Sean Avery, and Steve Valiquette, and her favorite all-time Rangers are Mike Richter and Jeff Beukeboom.


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1 Comment

  1. It’d be a mess but Avery and Lohan would be ahhhhhhmazing. It’d make me watch another season of Living Lohan with the hopes he would drop in and give Ali a makeover.