Things We Can Be Thankful For…
Things are pretty dismal in the world of the Rangers at the moment. After taking a 3-1 lead in the series against the second-seeded Washington Capitals, our boys have lost the last two possibly clinching games in disgusting fashion.
I GoogleImaged 'gross' to describe the Rangers' last two games(because what I got for 'disgusting' was wayyy to foul - even for me), and this was the first picture that came up. So sure, why not?
Henrik’s been pulled twice – after allowing 4 goals on 14 shots and then 5 goals on 25 shots.
The offense is non-existent.
Our new, hard-ass coach sent Sean Avery to the pressbox for Game 5 to teach him and the team a lesson about discipline, and what happens if you don’t practice it……and then goes ape-shit on a fan, getting himself suspended for Game 6.
Blair Betts got destroyed by a dirty hit from Donald Brashear.
Brandon Dubinsky got freaking BITTEN by Shane Morrison and nothing was done about it.
The future does not look good, my fellow Ranger fans, the future does not look good.
But Eric covered all that shit in his post, so I’ll get to my point:
It’s time to come back from that ledge, oh loyal Blueshirt-Believers, and think for a moment about how good we really have it.
Last night, I was watching the new Vh1 reality hot mess, Daisy of Love, and drinking myself into a Ranger-forgetting stupor(this never works – we all know the Rangers have a grip on your psyche that will never release – like crack, but more expensive), and I realized that things could be a lot worse.
For example, the Montreal Canadiens hoist Carey Price up on top of a pedestal, attempting to build their franchise around him, hyping him up like he’s the next Patrick Roy. And although Montreal has been bounced from the playoffs, I will be thinking of little ole Carey every Sunday night, because I’m pretty sure he’s gotten himself some facial piercings and is now competing for the love of Vh1′s newest meth-faced crab farm, Daisy de la Hoya:
In case you can’t make that out, Carey Price version 2.o has a tattoo on his V-muscle that says “Satisfaction”. Just because you have it tattooed on your body doesn’t make it true, jackass.
In addition to our prize goalie not having a pretty high chance of contracting herpes on national television from a silicone-filled muppet, we can also be thankful that the international contingent of our team don’t embarrass the shit out of us when they’re in public.
I’ll pick out one nationality in particular: the team Swedes. We have three of them: Henrik Lundqvist, Fredrik Sjostrom, and Markus Naslund. All three of them classy, attractive guys:
They sure as shit don’t look like this:
Those, my friends, are Izzy, Rock, and Kelli Landeberg. Swedish male (I know, right?) triplets. Nicknamed ’84′, ’85′, and ’86′, because “that’s the last time it was acceptable to look like that.” As much fun as it is to accuse Henrik of playing badly because his hair gel is running into his eyes, at least he’s never walked out of the Garden looking like that.
So hopefully we’ve all been able to take a few minutes to forget the horror and the heartbreak that most likely awaits all of us tomorrow night to remember that while our team may be bad, at least they won’t give you an STD from across the room, or make you seriously wonder whether their plumbing is indoor or outdoor.
On to Game 7!!!
Images courtesy of Flickr, GoogleImages, Page Six Magazine, Vh1.com
About the author: Rory is a recent college graduate from central New Jersey majoring in History and PR. A Ranger fan all her life, the bane of her existence is the New Jersey Devils, and she harbors a severe hatred for Martin Brodeur. Her favorite current Rangers are Henrik Lundqvist, Sean Avery, and Steve Valiquette, and her favorite all-time Rangers are Mike Richter and Jeff Beukeboom. Related posts:
You had me in stitches for minutes, until I realized the season isn’t over yet. Kudos to you in what should be nominated for one of the funniest blogs ever posted……you summarized the ‘gross’ search to the ‘t’ as we always do that for the interesting pix, but that hot dog/thing/appendix reached every bathroom humor joke in me….
We are f***ing passionate fans/ bloggers, but at least we can laugh at ourselves. Well done.
Good luck tonight. We all deserve a break from this tension or we all deserve more abuse in the second round.
TDR