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The Rangers are Thankful

With nearly two months gone in the season, we’ve seen two distinctly different teams. The team that started off the season going 7-1-0 and the team that has gone 5-9-1 since then. But let’s set that aside for now and find out, What are the New York Rangers thankful for this season?

Rangers Thanksgiving

Artem Anisimov: I’m thankful for plane rides instead of bus rides, that P.A. was called up, Brighton Beach, and Enver.

Sean Avery: I’m thankful for sloppy seconds leftovers.

Brian Boyle: I’m thankful that Slats couldn’t clear enough cap space for a top line center.

Donald Brashear: I’m thankful for my time here on Broadway.

Ryan Callahan: I’m thankful that it wasn’t me blocking that Jay Bouwmeester slapshot.

Michael Del Zotto: I’m thankful for Derek Morris wanting more money and leaving the Rangers.  How many points does he have? 11?  Come back to me when you’re fourth in rookie scoring.

Chris Drury: I’m thankful for the effort we put in every night. We have all the pieces but we just need to find a way to get them to work better together. We just need to put the biscuit in the basket.  I thought we’ve played pretty well so far this season.  There might be a few things that need fixing but it’s nothing that we can’t go over in practice with John…
(Ed. Note: Crap, he’s stuck in an infinite loop.)

Brandon Dubinsky: I’m thankful that that Jay Bouwmeester slapshot didn’t break my masturbation hand.

Marian Gaborik: I’m thankful for Jim Ramsay, although I might be more duct tape than man at this point.
(Ed. Note:  That stuff really can do anything!)

Matt Gilroy: I’m thankful that I scored my first NHL goal on Martin Brodeur.

Daniel Girardi: I’m thankful I’m not paired with Rozy or Wade.

Christopher Higgins: I’m thankful that I’m not in Montreal anymore. Two goals in 22 games? Do you know what they’d do to me up there? DO YOU?!?

Ales Kotalik: I’m thankful for my cannon of a slapshot.

Enver Lisin: I’m thankful for no more Gretzky, Avery’s fashion advice, Brighton Beach, and Arty!

Henrik Lundqvist: I’m thankful for my stylist.  Without her, my hair would not be the outrageously awesome spectacle it is today.

P. A. Parenteau: I’m thankful for being used in that shootout. That was sweet right?

Vaclav Prospal: I’m thankful for Gabby. Do you think I’d have 24 points in 23 games playing with Gomez?

Wade Redden: I’m thankful for my money and my hot wife. Yeah, you’re jealous.

Michal Rozsival: I’m thankful for Glen’s outrageously large ego. You guys are stuck with me forever!

Marc Staal: I’m thankful that my brothers didn’t drag me to see New Moon.

Stephen Valiquette: I’m thankful for all of the Crossword and Sudoku books that Henke gets me.

Aaron Voros: I’m thankful that the Rangers traded Petr Prucha, Dubi’s injured, and that Grachev isn’t ready for the NHL. Otherwise the only ice I’d see would be in my drink in the press box.

John Tortorella: I’m thankful for early timeouts.

Glen Sather: [lights cigar] I’m thankful for my boss giving me total control of the team, securing my job for the foreseeable future. And hey, how about that 1994 Stanley Cup? That was great, right?

James Dolan: …Hockey? What’s that?

Thanks to Laurie over at Beyond the Blueshirts for translating Artem and Enver’s responses.

Thanks to Rangerland for knowing Brandon Dubinsky’s darkest, innermost thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at 5-hole!

About the author:  Eric is a lifelong Rangers fan and is currently studying Computer Engineering at Hofstra University. You can follow him on Twitter: @5holeEric

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  1. Again, very funny.

    LOL especially at Del Zotto, Higgins, Vinny, Voros, and of course…Avery!

    p.s. on the Staal one – what a shame that girl does not write as often anymore. I’d get in such trouble laughing at her columns at work. Hilarious stuff!


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